Tuesday, October 28, 2003
The toughest job
posted by Eric
Being a parent is way harder than anyone ever told me it was going to be. Some of you can relate, I'm sure. I remember shortly after Isabelle was born, Vanessa had some concerns and questions about how we were doing things. My simplistic answer to her was "All we can do is provide a loving environment for her and she'll take care of the rest." Uh, yeah, right. The loving environment is no problem. The feelings I have for my kids are overwhelming. Just thinking about it now turns my chest to hot fudge pudding cake (the recipe from Cook's Illustrated, which I'm happy to share).
But we don't get any training for the hard parts, except having seen how our parents handled things when we were children. And frankly, I didn't want any training. I didn't want to read the parenting books. All that self-help literature gives me the heebie-jeebies. I wanted it to be organic. Uh, yeah, right.
Actually, the first three years with Isabelle were pretty smooth. Healthy, happy kid. No "terrible twos". OK, it was a struggle getting her into the car seat sometimes, but nothing to challenge my sense of competence as a parent. Then along came Cedric about a week after Isabelle's third birthday and just a few days after Isabelle started pre-school. And Isabelle began to emerge as a person with a will that occasionally conflicted with my own. Defiance. Unresponsiveness. Pushing the boundaries.
"hmm. I wonder how hard I can squeeze Cedric before daddy makes me stop."
Nothing out of the ordinary for a four-year-old. But, wow, tough to deal with for me. I'm not exactly a drill sergeant, as you might have guessed. The books would label me permissive. I never learned to set limits. But now I need to, so I have actually been caught on the subway by Vic Stone Cole reading a book about effective limit-setting skills. Yikes! My worst nightmare!
But the fact is that this stuff is hard to talk about, even with other parents. In part, that's because everybody goes through this at their own pace and it is constantly evolving along with the children. A parent with a five year old boy and a three year old girl may have a very different set of challenges from me.
Anyway, I know there are a lot of mini-pangsters out there with strung-out parents who might want to share some of their own observations and feelings on the matter.
I love this job. Can't beat it.
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But we don't get any training for the hard parts, except having seen how our parents handled things when we were children. And frankly, I didn't want any training. I didn't want to read the parenting books. All that self-help literature gives me the heebie-jeebies. I wanted it to be organic. Uh, yeah, right.
Actually, the first three years with Isabelle were pretty smooth. Healthy, happy kid. No "terrible twos". OK, it was a struggle getting her into the car seat sometimes, but nothing to challenge my sense of competence as a parent. Then along came Cedric about a week after Isabelle's third birthday and just a few days after Isabelle started pre-school. And Isabelle began to emerge as a person with a will that occasionally conflicted with my own. Defiance. Unresponsiveness. Pushing the boundaries.
"hmm. I wonder how hard I can squeeze Cedric before daddy makes me stop."
Nothing out of the ordinary for a four-year-old. But, wow, tough to deal with for me. I'm not exactly a drill sergeant, as you might have guessed. The books would label me permissive. I never learned to set limits. But now I need to, so I have actually been caught on the subway by Vic Stone Cole reading a book about effective limit-setting skills. Yikes! My worst nightmare!
But the fact is that this stuff is hard to talk about, even with other parents. In part, that's because everybody goes through this at their own pace and it is constantly evolving along with the children. A parent with a five year old boy and a three year old girl may have a very different set of challenges from me.
Anyway, I know there are a lot of mini-pangsters out there with strung-out parents who might want to share some of their own observations and feelings on the matter.
I love this job. Can't beat it.
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