The Pang

Famille Rule-Becker finally moved back into our yellow house last Saturday after nearly six months in exile. We had the house de-leaded after Cedric's lead levels were higher than we would have liked. The friendly folks at the Somerville Housing Department told us it would be a six to eight week process. Ha, ha, ha! Those kidders. So clever, so witty! So.... wrong.

We moved out just before Labor Day weekend. Summer clothes, back to school season, all that. And here we are, with the spring fashions hitting the shelves any day (or maybe I'm behind and they are already there).

We moved into my mother's house, where I grew up. A bit strange beiong back there for such an extended period, but it went remarkably well.

In the interim, Cedric learned to walk and talk and Isabelle learned to write her name.

Howard Dean went from obscurity to the covers of Time and Newsweek to late-night infamy. And Vanessa and I were very much on board. Vanessa wrote about 60 or 80 letters on behalf of the campaign. I spent three days in New Hampshire volunteering for the campaign, which was a blast. I didn't want to go back to my real job.

Oh, and I got an album that you should check out if you're into that jazz/bluegrass/female vocalist thing. It's by the Wayfaring Strangers. Here is the link.

I hope all of you are well all around the globe.

-Eric

So there were a few major flaws in my first launch of The Pang blog. First, nobody knew when anybody else had posted something. So unless you're a compulsive blog-checker (H, are you listening?), you would have little to remind you of The Pang and all its navel-gazing, baby-spit-up goodness.

I'm fixing this by setting up an email group that will be notified whenever there is a new posting. And if you consider it Spam, then go to freakin' hell - I never liked you anyway.

I'm not going to tell you what the rest of the major flaws are. You can guess if you want, though there are no prizes to be had. And we're not talking technical flaws. We're talking metaphysical/societal. But there I go slipping into the royal We again....

Anyway, please come back and give some second round updates. Mine is forthcoming shortly.

-Eric

Being a parent is way harder than anyone ever told me it was going to be. Some of you can relate, I'm sure. I remember shortly after Isabelle was born, Vanessa had some concerns and questions about how we were doing things. My simplistic answer to her was "All we can do is provide a loving environment for her and she'll take care of the rest." Uh, yeah, right. The loving environment is no problem. The feelings I have for my kids are overwhelming. Just thinking about it now turns my chest to hot fudge pudding cake (the recipe from Cook's Illustrated, which I'm happy to share).

But we don't get any training for the hard parts, except having seen how our parents handled things when we were children. And frankly, I didn't want any training. I didn't want to read the parenting books. All that self-help literature gives me the heebie-jeebies. I wanted it to be organic. Uh, yeah, right.

Actually, the first three years with Isabelle were pretty smooth. Healthy, happy kid. No "terrible twos". OK, it was a struggle getting her into the car seat sometimes, but nothing to challenge my sense of competence as a parent. Then along came Cedric about a week after Isabelle's third birthday and just a few days after Isabelle started pre-school. And Isabelle began to emerge as a person with a will that occasionally conflicted with my own. Defiance. Unresponsiveness. Pushing the boundaries.

"hmm. I wonder how hard I can squeeze Cedric before daddy makes me stop."

Nothing out of the ordinary for a four-year-old. But, wow, tough to deal with for me. I'm not exactly a drill sergeant, as you might have guessed. The books would label me permissive. I never learned to set limits. But now I need to, so I have actually been caught on the subway by Vic Stone Cole reading a book about effective limit-setting skills. Yikes! My worst nightmare!

But the fact is that this stuff is hard to talk about, even with other parents. In part, that's because everybody goes through this at their own pace and it is constantly evolving along with the children. A parent with a five year old boy and a three year old girl may have a very different set of challenges from me.

Anyway, I know there are a lot of mini-pangsters out there with strung-out parents who might want to share some of their own observations and feelings on the matter.

I love this job. Can't beat it.

Alice Weiss doing the Dean thing this morning in DC. That's Henry in her arms. Hubby Steve is on top of the tree branch....

I came across this picture totally accidentally on the Dean blog website. Blew my mind to stumble across a picture of Henry (taken today!) since Alice has failed to email one around yet. So it's the first I've seen of him. He looks really psyched about Dean. I'm told he's a Deanie Baby.

Andrew Epstein HC '92, Professor of English at Florida State Univ., who is an authority on American poetry, has responded to my request for more context on the source of The Pang. Here is an excerpt from his reply.

I have now had time to study thoroughly your inquiry about Browning and the Pang, and I must tell you, as a professor of English who specializes in poetry, who once wrote a 30 page graduate school essay on Robert Browning, I have absolutely no fucking clue why that quote would be on the cornerstone of a Haverford building.

Except that: browsing around the web, I see that this particular stanza is a very famous one (it's in Bartlett's quotations, and it's frequently cited and thrown about) -- and one could only assume that it was much more famous in the late 19th century, when people actually read and revered poets like Browning and knew and used famous quotes like this one regularly. I think this "Pang" line might be similar to Browning's most famous passage: "A man's reach should exceed his grasp; else what's a heaven for?" That is, both seem to be inspirational quotes about human striving and ambition. At the same time, I'm having a hard time parsing what it is actually saying, since the grammar is so weird: "Learn, nor account the pang," where that "nor" is very strange, as is "account." But given the context of the stanza, the wise speaker, the Talmudic scholar Rabbi Ben Ezra, seems to be urging the reader to keep on learning, no matter how much pain or strife it causes you. The stanza as a whole tells us not to shrink from things that are hard or painful -- to welcome each rebuff, each sting, to recognize that joy is mostly made of pain, that we should strive and think little of the strain it takes, and to dare, even if it causes us throes of pain. ("Throe" and "pang" are synonyms for a spasm of pain or anguish). So we also are being told to learn and keep on trying to learn, even if it hurts ... a lot.

So I'd have to deduce that the learned, literary-minded builders of Haverford's auditorium probably reached for a pretty famous, high-brow quote about the importance of ambitious, heroic seeking after knowledge, even in the face of difficulties. (Little did they know it would be all but incomphrensible a century hence, alas). The fact that the speaker is Jewish seems less important to me than the fact that Browning admires the great Rabbi as a model of learning, devotion, faith, knowledge, wisdom, and perserverance. But it does make me happy.

I'm glad you asked your question, young Becker. I have noted your curiosity and have marked you down for extra credit. Keep up the good work!

-- Dr. Epstein

Vanessa and I have Isabelle, who just celebrated her 4th B-day and Cedric, who celebrates his 1st this week. I will save my experiences of parenthood for another post, but suffice it to say that I'm very much in love with my family despite sleep challenges and feeling over my head now and then.

This past June marked my 10th anniversary at my current job -- portfolio manager and equity analyst at Trillium Asset Management , a socially responsible investment firm. Since I majored in comparative religion with a concentration in "intercultural studies", all my experience in the field has come from on-the-job training. Basically I lucked into the job (they liked the fact that I printed "hiremehiremehiremehireme" in 5-point type at the bottom of my resume).

I started as part-time production manager on the company's newsletter, anticipating that I would get to do some social research, leading to a job in the social research department. I quickly started doing both social and financial research, and found that I had a knack for the latter. One thing led to another and here I am with people putting their life savings in my hands for safe keeping.

I must say it is very satisfying work, though I have recurring feelings that I am too far from the front lines in making a difference in the world. But my colleagues do amazing work, convincing companies to adopt more progressive policies on a wide range of issues.

My work schedule is totally reasonable and very flexible, leaving time for a life outside of work, which of course is mostly family time. I retain my obsession with the Red Sox and wonder about the healthiness of being a fan when your emotional state is dependent upon the results of the previous night's game. I have been occasionally active in Save Fenway Park , a citizen effort to preserve one of the great shrines of the game. So far, so good.

I have also been a bit obsessive about a series of 20 seafaring novels by Patrick O'Brian. I know Grantley has also been a fan of the books. My high school friend Terry Park, who some of you know (and who is marrying Iris Lee BMC '91 next month), turned me on to the series. I just started the 19th book, and have mixed feelings. I don't want the series to end, because it is so rich and has expanded my horizons dramatically, but I also look forward to finishing so that I can start over with the first book, Master & Commander .

Anyhow, enough about me! More about you!

You can now post images to The Pang, as I upgraded the service. Just click on "Upload File". To illustrate I have posted the official photo of Ben B. from his faculty web page.